Van Gogh | Energy | Failure

the Art & the Calm Episode #1

Introduction:

The terror I felt as I stared down at my shoes was overwhelming. I was wearing black, scuffed-up dress shoes with no socks and noticed bits of dried mud on my legs. Looking down in those early elementary school days must have been a coping mechanism.

I lived on a farm in rural Oregon and loved playing outside with the animals. Being a tomboy, fashion and bathing was low on my priority list. Thankfully, I was often overlooked as one of 10 kids, so playing outdoors instead of the necessary baths was common. I didn’t even think to be embarrassed by my rustic appearance. Playing outside was everything to me.

I had recently acquired an impediment that would haunt me for decades to come: a severe stutter.

So, on this first day of class, as the teacher announced, “We are going around the class to introduce ourselves,” my little 7-year-old body was filled with terror.

For some reason, introductions were the hardest. I struggled with the hard consonant of the letter J: “Jǎ…Jackie…,” which isn’t an easy name for someone with a stutter, unlike a name beginning with a vowel like ‘Emily’ or ‘Amanda.’ Words that started with soft vowels were easier to say. Shortness of breath began as I sat in fear, my jaw clenching with tension.

As it reached my row, the kids, one by one, confidently stated their names as my turn drew near.

“J…Ja….Ja…” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t say my own name.

I heard quiet snickers from the kids as the teacher interrupted, “Shhh, kids, go ahead, try again.” “JACKIE,” I finally was able to stammer out in a tension-filled burst. As it passed on to the next kid, the room was filled with awkward embarrassment, or maybe that was just within me. I did it, I said my name, and I was relieved it was over.

I had no idea the struggle was only beginning. During recess, the bullies swooped down on me like vultures spotting fresh kill on the road. They mocked and laughed as I kept my head down.

When one experiences that level of ostracizing at a young age, it seems as if it's almost imprinted on the DNA, never to be removed. Because in each subsequent year, we moved, and I, as the new girl, wearing tattered hand-me-downs, barely able to speak, became a target for childhood bullies.

The only safe haven during those formative years was the tranquil and silent world of art.

During the farm years.

I was safe and calm in that place, with colors swirling in gorgeous combinations; the smell of a fresh box of crayons and the thin, light gray pages of a thick coloring book brought immense joy.

So, on this inaugural episode, I’m introducing you to art: my best friend, companion, faithful ally, teacher, salve, and the magical and silent world where I was free to create, color, paint, and express without fear.

I didn’t choose art-it chose me. And I will forever be grateful that it is the bumpy, emotional, and fascinating path I have chosen to take. Stick with me; I’ll share every bit of education and information I have amassed over the decades.

This isn't just a hobby for me; it is a true sanctuary, and I hope you, too, can revel in its wondrous and soothing world.

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Artist Spotlight:

My beloved Vincent van Gogh (1853–1890)

• He was a Dutch Post-Impressionist painter whose emotionally charged works reshaped modern art. Struggling with mental illness and poverty, he created over 2,000 artworks, including Starry Night:

And Sunflowers:

• His bold colors and thick brushstrokes conveyed raw emotion, distinguishing him from his contemporaries. Despite selling only one painting in his lifetime, his passion and innovative techniques pushed artistic boundaries.

• Van Gogh’s impact on the art world is immeasurable. His work laid the groundwork for Expressionism and Impressionism, influencing countless artists who aimed to capture the world through emotion rather than realism. His posthumous recognition transformed him into a symbol of artistic perseverance, proving that true genius was often misunderstood during its time.

• One of Vincent’s early works is titled The Potato Peeler. Observe the muted tones and the dark, monochromatic style he began with.

• Just a gentle reminder that your style will blossom over time. If you're passionate about art, all you need to do is start and keep going. That’s all there is to it! Your unique style will gradually unfold.

Art Assignment:

Reproduction

• I think it’s borderline humorous that I consider Vincent a dear friend. I never met him; he lived on the other side of the planet over a century ago, but as you study the greats, emotional connections will occur.

• That being said, I apologize in advance to my dear friend Vincent for your first assignment.

Recreate Vincent’s early work on art paper or in your new sketchbook.

• Vincent was quite the rebel, and like many Impressionists, they rejected traditional teaching methods of copying sculptures or great works of art. They were rejected from the art scene as they worked mostly outside, which was unheard of in the mid to late 1800’s.

• But we must consider that they weren’t bombarded with texts, social media, cars, noise, pollutants, TV, Netflix, and modified foods. They were WAY AHEAD of us, with the ability to tap into a deep level of quiet creativity to paint. Most greats studied in the finest European art schools before breaking out independently.

• Draw, paint, sketch, copy, and trace…however you create your own version of this masterpiece; this is the assigned work. (I’ll be doing it as well!!! We will take a look at it 2 weeks from today.)

  

As we strive for artistic excellence, let us embrace the way Rembrandt, Michaelangelo, Monet, and many of the greats learned~by reproducing.

Neuro Assignment:

Concentration

• If you struggle with concentration, try meditation apps like Moongate. I listened to its free sounds for a week before subscribing. Since I work many hours creating art, I use my headphone cord to connect to my iPhone while listening. The focus on 40 Hz has been a complete game-changer for me.

  

Brain Health

• Radiation exposure is a concern. AirPods use Bluetooth, emitting low non-ionizing radiation. Some worry about prolonged exposure, but levels are much lower than those of mobile phones. I recommend wired earphones, which don't emit radiation and are safer if you have concerns.

Less is More

• Let's take inventory this week before sharing neurochemical processes to hack happiness. I'm eager to discuss the exciting neuroscience I've learned, but without eliminating toxic habits, the benefits of new knowledge diminish. It's important to observe and collect data like a brilliant scientist.

• Use the tracker if you would like.

• Emotion & Energy Tracker (3 Questions)

  Date: _______________

  1. How do you feel right now?

     • 😊 Happy

     • 😐 Neutral

     • 😞 Sad

     • 😰 Anxious

     • 😴 Tired

  2. What’s your energy level?

     • ⚡ High

     • 💪 Average

     • 💤 Low

  3. What happened that made you feel this way?
     (Briefly describe anything that might have impacted your mood or energy.)

     (side note: I noticed that as much as I crave sugar and carbs for comfort, once I give in to those cravings, they plummet my mood, energy, and focus. I had to be real with myself, realizing sugar was less comfort and more of a culprit.)

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Conclusion:

If you made it this far-BRAVO! Do you think there is a rational mind out there who would ever call Vincent a failure? Then you MUST put the bat down. No more beating yourself up for failures. Anyone on a journey of learning a new craft (art) or growing spiritually will sometimes fail, but we grow in our failing.

I will show some of my biggest failures artistically in the video overview so that the reader understands failure is part of the art-making process. (As painful as it is!)

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